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G O D L E N E S
Space Invaders
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Do you remember the days when games were fun? No, neither do I, but I am told
that "Space Invaders" is a classic of its era, although this was probably the
time when computers were valve based and the size of small bungalows with a
fraction of the processing power of a digital watch.
Still, space invaders eh? Marvellous! Small boys in the arcades, short trousers,
JMPs for branching instructions ( there is no BRA on the 6502 you know! ).
Marvellous days.
MR PINK FACT! My first ever 'computer' game was a hand held version of space
invaders called Galaxy invaders by CGI. The 'joystick' had two position (left or
right) and there was a nice big chunky red fire button. The game had multiple
difficulty levels accessed by pressing a switch. You were warned in the manual
NOT TO PRESS THE SWITCH DURING GAMEPLAY in big capital letters! If you did you
could get some interesting screen displays with 'sprites' all over the place.
I caned this game until I got into the far superior 'Game & Watch' series.
The NES version of Space Invaders was actually created by our Nemesis, Taito, so
to follow a historical precedent we should rename this release Lace Evaders or
some other cunning letter re-arrangement.
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PLAYING
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Instructions for Space Invaders are about as necessary as directions for how to
breathe, but for the inbred PC owners who are now reading this on their Falcon
PC emulator 30 years from now, not realising the irony of playing an emulator on
an emulator, here goes.
There are some Aliens. Shoot them. Don't Get Shot. Diplomacy is not an issue.
If only we had Kofi Annan we could send him off on an integalactic UN peace-
keeping mission and the whole sorry spectacle could be avoided. Fortunately, the
aliens seemed to have learnt their weapon skills from baddies in the A-Team and
consequently most shots are as aimless as the current government. ( Oh, little
bit of politics! )
You can debate the philosophical point of whether your defensive shields either
protect or constrain you. When does a shelter become a prison? Discuss.
Space Invaders is a true icon of the video age. How many games from the current
Playstation, Saturn and Nintendo 64 crop will be remembered 20 years from now?
Very few I fear. If it hasn't already been done, it can't be long before we have
3DFX Space Invaders which in true PC style will look gorgeous and PC dads will
wet themselves over the screenshots in Edge ( which are actually just renders
created on a SGI workstation ) and then they will hand over 50 notes for the big
box and after one game they will realise that more fun can be had by repeating
beating yourself over the head with a soup ladle. Do you remember when games
were fun? For PC owners this point in time can be accurately pinpointed - the
day before they bought their PC.
You can use the autofire facility by pressing button 'C' on your pad or control,
but you still only get one bullet at once! It easier than continually bashing B
though.
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Trainer Modes
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* INFINITE LIVES
You get more lives than their alien lifeforms in the Conservative party.
* INVULNERABILITY
Bullets just pass through you like a curry after 7 pints and a box of
laxatives.
* SLOW SHOTS
The alien bullets travel at the speed of Virgin trains.
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(C) 1998 Reservoir Gods
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